


and the world spins madly on

by beyondlogicalclarity



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Eventual Smut, F/F, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:01:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23210635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beyondlogicalclarity/pseuds/beyondlogicalclarity
Summary: Reign is gone.They tell her this, still, it gets better just as much as it does not.Life after Reign almost goes back to normal. Almost, being the keyword.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Samantha "Sam" Arias/Alex Danvers
Comments: 15
Kudos: 97





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just some notes...
> 
> 1\. Sam knows Kara is Supergirl and that Alex is DEO.
> 
> 2\. This is directly after s3 and does not follow the show after except for a brief mention of a Supercorp scene in an episode of s4.
> 
> 3\. The time to travel in between the states chosen don't take as long as I have given off in this work. There's meant to be time gaps for gas, food, sleeping and it takes much longer if you want a tourist experience. The road trip is supposed to last the group roughly two to three months, remember that.
> 
> 4\. I do not own these characters or any quotes/music used.
> 
> 5\. All mistakes/errors are mine.

**_s. arias_ **

**** ****

1\. _I_ _was hollow and empty as the spaces between stars._

\----

Reign is gone.

They tell her this, still, it gets better just as much as it does not.

Life after Reign almost goes back to normal. _Almost_ , being the keyword.

Sam returns to her CFO position, and goes back to being a mother. The bond between her and her loved ones is stronger. Everything seems to be right again.

Except for the fact that the thought of Reign weighs her down inside.

Among the distraction of work, and Ruby, and the friends she has made, there are times when the thought of that villain sends her into a spiral. There are moments when she's laughing at something Lena said, or chasing Ruby around the house with a water gun, and she'll remember a specific part of horror from Reign's reign of terror. Her smile will go away. Her laughs will die down as quickly as they came.

It’s unsettling how terrible she can feel surrounded by good people and happy times.

Lena confirmed she is completely human, but she can feel the ghost of Reign's power on the very edge of her skin. It disgusts her, but she's still Samantha Arias. Still _Sam_ , right?

She acts like it, but it doesn’t feel real sometimes.

\----

She has bad days.

Not blackout days. Not like anything before.

It’s more that when the sadness and the guilt creep in, she no longer can come back from that feeling until she sleeps it off; starts from scratch the very next day.

Today isn’t the best, but there’s a meeting and so much other business related things piled on the desk. Lena cleared her to get back to work, but it's not like before. Three days in the office at most, and absolutely no work from home. She wants Sam to have the distraction and the normalcy, yet she doesn’t want her to overdo it. It doesn’t matter how many times Sam says she's fine.

Sam doesn’t get nap times here. Though when the meeting is over, and the workload has shrunk down to maybe only two more hours left tops, she allows herself a break. She's not much of a drinker during business hours like Lena shamelessly is, but she feels a little hollow, a little empty; enough to find today as a good enough exception to break that tiny rule. She's buzzed when her phone signals that she received a message.

It’s Alex.

Of course it is.

Sam may be back, and Alex may be the director of a secret government agency, but she checks in every other day without fail. In texts, or through calls, or in person. Sam can tell that Alex is low-key embarrassed, but she took care of Ruby; kept her safe, and she’s a true friend.

_You doing okay?_

She bites her lip in hesitation while her thumb hovers over the letters. It’s a loaded question. One that Alex asks consistently.

Normally, she replies with ‘yes’, and other times she replies with mostly except for whatever is stressing her out that day. Whether that means dealing with a pre-teen, or stubborn and cocky business men.

How does she explain that most days she is doing alright, but there’s always an underlining of _something_ in her emotions. That kind of something that was caused by someone else. Alex knows trauma – has had her own dose of the vile stuff. She should be aware of how difficult it is to deal with, to try and form into words how she feels and what she thinks without losing the other person in conversation or making them feel awkward because they think you’re insane.

_Is that a trick question?_

Alex doesn’t text her back at the reply, and she swallows down another mouthful of liquor to wash away the feeling of disappointment.

Laying in the recovery table in the DEO, she had told her daughter that she could handle anything. _“Your mom's a badass.”_ That’s true, right?

As twenty more minutes pass, she finds herself sitting on the floor with her back resting against the solid frame of the desk, and looking out the window. Then there’s a knock on the door and a pause before it opens. She hears her name being called softly.

“Hey,” Alex says quietly, wide warmth filled eyes and face full of concern, as she rounds the desk and finds her.

“Hey,” Sam mumbles back, a smile not quite real on her face. She wants it to be, but today she just can't. “You didn’t have to come all the way over here.”

It’s not that she doesn’t want Alex here. She likes Alex. She's comfortable around Alex. She thinks she must have always been; she lets her in way too easily. But Sam doesn’t want Alex thinking she always has to save the Arias family. Sam knows she’ll say it's not like that, but Sam still doesn’t want to be a burden. Alex has done so much for her and her daughter already.

Alex doesn't reply with words. Instead, she scoffs and sits next to her, their shoulders solidly pressed together. She takes the bottle from the other side of Sam and takes a slow swig. She’s cut back since deciding to adopt. It’s hard for her, despite not verbally admitting a problem, but it’s there and Sam can see it.

Alex is determined, and caring, and so, so strong. She broke her own heart for the chance to have a child. She’ll do what it takes to make an excellent mother.

The two of them stay there for awhile, and she can tell that Alex wants to ask so many questions. Her concern is evident on her face, but she’s stalling and Sam thinks maybe it’s because what is wrong is so clear already without saying it. It’s Reign. Perhaps, it will always be Reign. So, Sam decides to break the bubble surrounding the two of them before it becomes overwhelming.

“I don’t know how you’re still being so kind to me.”

Alex looks up from where she was concentrating on picking the label of the liquor bottle with a frown, acting like she has no idea what Sam is talking about. It’s sweet – the way Alex is convinced she isn’t a monster. And, okay, maybe she isn’t a monster, but Reign certainly was. The disturbing about monsters is that they are never forgotten.

“After what has happened, you’d think I’d be treated differently,” Sam laughs a little, but there’s no humor behind it.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Alex is persistent, and confident, and today her words feel so, so wrong.

“Then why does it I feel like I did?” Her voice cracks terribly, annoyingly, during her words.

“It’s because you care. That’s who you are, Sam.”

“But there’s been destruction, Alex. _Kara_ was hurt. How can you just forgive that?”

“Well, that's simple,” Alex says, tilting Sam's chin up and gently brushing something under her eyes. Sam didn’t even notice the tears. Alex must be satisfied with what she sees next, because she looks so sure when she says, “You're not the one who needs to be forgiven. You’re a hero, Sam.”

 _It’s a lie_ , Sam thinks, but then again maybe it isn’t and Alex has cupped her cheek with her hand now. It’s secure, and Sam leans in to it, lets herself feel the brush of her thumb and tries to settle to some form of peace. _It’s a lie_ , she thinks, but she fights against another war inside her body to agree with Alex.

\----

Ruby is a smart kid.

She reads people far too accurately for a pre-teen. Certainly, she is aware of the bad days. Sam tries so hard to keep herself together around her, but Reign has been the hardest obstacle she has ever encountered.

Being back around her child is grounding, and to her, each second is a lifetime. It breaks her heart knowing that her bad days break Ruby's.

This morning her mind spaced. For a moment she was getting breakfast ready, stirring the batter for pancakes, and by the next she was burning the ones already on the stove. She's cursing up a storm trying to salvage the food, and she chucks them in the trash with frustration when it’s obvious they aren’t edible.

Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Ruby hovering in the doorway.

She holds her breath, waits for her daughter to get closer, and she almost wants to scream out at herself because Ruby is timid. Her fear is evident, and it brings out the worst feelings Sam has had yet.

“Mom?”

The way she says it makes Sam think she’s checking for reassurance. That she may believe that Reign is back. But she’s still Sam.

Right?

She tries to hide her tears behind a smile, nodding her head. “Come here.”

The hug they share could rival the beauty of watching snow fall delicately onto the branches of trees. For a split second, her world becomes whole again because Ruby is very much the source of her will to survive.

Ruby mumbles into her shirt, “You okay, mom?”

“Yeah, baby. I’m alright.” She rubs her hand up and down Ruby’s back, pressing a kiss to her hairline. “It’s just hard sometimes.”

“It’s a good thing we're a team. You can lean on me anytime.”

\----

Lena is with her most of the time.

The CEO worked hard to free her from Reign's clutches. The first one to know she wasn’t truly Reign, to fight for her life, to not judge her story with malice. Lena is her oldest friend, and she’s hurting, but she smiles at her over test results (they said it would be best to have a weekly check up) and Sam can’t help herself from loving her.

Alex had dropped by earlier, Supergirl by her side, to check in on Sam before taking off to save the world once again.

Lena tries to be nonchalant, but one look at the uniformed hero and she sees something in those intense eyes before the walls extend higher. Lena likes boxes to contain her feelings, but Sam knows it’s because Lena’s heart is a large yet fragile thing and when she's hurt she reacts by acting like it never even hurt in the first place. She can be cold and it may seem cruel, but nobody ever said protecting yourself would be clean and sweet.

Things have been a little less tense between them after their lives settled down, but Lena hasn’t actually forgiven Supergirl. That trust is still lost in the wind of a red cape.

Supergirl meant a lot to her.

Sam remembers Lena telling her how they had become friends. How she never quite saw such profound hope in Lena's eyes than in that moment – one where being more than just another terrible Luthor had become something greater than a notion. Lena never really did think highly of herself inside, yet their dynamic improved it. They were friends, and now they are ruined. Maybe they always were.

They are Supergirl and Lena. Whatever that means, Sam is not for sure because it’s complicated and complex and she knows who the superhero really is, but Lena does not.

Lena can’t trust Supergirl the way she did before, but Supergirl is Kara Danvers and Lena loves Kara Danvers. Sam may be Lena's oldest friend, but Kara Danvers is Lena's closest friend; her best friend that has been lying to her since the beginning. Sam bites her tongue, because it’s not her secret to tell, and she hates that she knows it. It feels like she's lying to Lena too.

\----

It’s for the best, they say, to put her in the training room with Alex.

It’s for multiple reasons, but mainly for her protection just in case someone finds out her connection to that monster, and because her friends believe she needs a release from the trauma the villain has caused.

Reign has fought them, put fear into their hearts and wouldn’t hesitate in trying to destroy them. Sam wonders if Supergirl will ever be able to look at her without showing even the slightest bit of fear.

Sam remembers things better now without Reign taking over her life. She remembers how Reign held Supergirl over a building, letting her dangle there like she was only a paper plane poorly crafted and about to be let loose despite it’s clear failure. She remembers how easy it was for Reign to let her go, watching her fall and fall, the way she hit the ground, and how National City was loud and quiet in that moment. Panic rising at their heroes fall, and astonishment that it was even possible.

Alex isn’t scared of Sam. This the CFO is sure of. But, she knows Reign has created a paranoia for everyone involved, and even the thought that she could come back (regardless of if that is an _actual_ possibility or not) is at the back of everyone's mind.

“Don’t go easy on me,” Alex says lightly, a teasing tone and small smirk on her lips.

Sam isn’t sure she wants to be here anymore. In this room _. In this_ _life_ , a voice in the back of her mind whispers. That pisses her off because _no_ , she has come this far. She went and stabbed her demon in the back – literally. She fought to be here, and as the anger boils over she decides she will fight again to remain here. She deserves to. At least, Ruby deserves her to, because Sam is still her mother. Still Sam, right?

Her first swing is fast and messy, and Alex easily dodges it.

Alex teaches her the right stances, and even comes up behind her to help get her body situated. As she guides her into positions, Sam can’t ignore the way her skin feels on fire from the Director’s hands. Mentally, she corrects herself.

Alex is a friend helping her out. But it has always been her bodies best interest reacting to someone so attractive – it's been a long time since she's taken someone to bed. It’s been even longer that she's had a romantic interest outside purely physical. Though, she doesn’t think now is the time to think about that regardless if she is interested or not. She's still recovering, and so is probably Alex.

The both of them have been training for hours.

Obviously, she is nowhere close to being on Alex's skill level, but she's starting to get the hang of it.

Alex swore that this is the last round, but Sam can feel her body is getting tired. Alex tries to motivate her to keep going by using her words. She tries mentioning several things to get under Sam's skin – keep her inner fire alive. It’s when Alex mentions the possible dangers for Ruby that her inner fire gets doused in gasoline.

It’s quick – she doesn’t even think about it – when she sees an opening, and her hand wraps around Alex's neck. The swipe of a leg behind hers has Alex falling onto her back on the ground. Sam follows her on the fall down, knees bracketing her hips. The grip on her neck hasn’t loosened.

Alex is struggling with this one, but it’s like Sam is on another plane. Her surroundings start to blur. She sees a flash of Alex being choked before. Her body being held up in the air by Reign's grip.

“Sam?”

It’s choked, questioning. It’s a snap back into reality. Alex's eyes shining up at her unsure.

She scrambles away fast, back onto her feet. The memories linger in her mind like the goosebumps of an evening chill. The ghost of Alex's neck haunting the palm of her hand.

Reign almost killed Alex more than once. Not her, they say. Reign and Sam are not one after all. They seem so sure. She does not.

Alex comes to stand in front of her, frowning, and a hand reaches out to touch her shoulder but stops when Sam takes a small step back. “Where'd you go?”

She thinks about telling the truth, and so, in a way, she does.

“Alex,” she says, it cracks with the effort of holding back tears. She reaches forward to hover her hand at the base of Alex's throat. She won’t touch, can’t because she feels the negative energy almost burning her hand up in the place of abused skin. She almost just choked her out. It scares her. Sam doesn’t want to hurt her. Alex has already suffered too much. “I’m so sorry.”

Realization dawns on Alex's face, the struggle of what to do seen in her eyes. “It’s going to be okay,” Alex tries to assure her with this. She can be pretty good at reassuring people and making them feel safe. She looks around the room before she starts to grin. Her smiles have become some of Sam's favorites – always caring, and understanding, and warm to her. They’ve been known to lift her spirit bit by bit.

“Come on. I think have an idea,” Alex nods over to the corner of the room. It is astounding how Alex is more concerned for her well-being than what Sam did to her.

Sam is lead over to a section of the room where a punching bag hung, ready to be beaten. The sigh that escapes her is tiring, and boarding on frustration. The last thing she wants to do is more training.

“Alex - ”

“Hug it.”

Sam looks at her as if she’s insane. Then again, it takes a little bit of insanity to do what she does on a daily basis. Sam only had to deal with aliens and bad people up close and personal for a short amount of time, but Alex has been dealing with them for years.

Alex sees the hesitation, and she looks at her encouragingly. “You don't seem to want me to touch you. Just – Just trust me, okay?”

With another sigh, Sam turns towards the punching bag. This seems ridiculous, but she takes a breath and wraps her arms around it. It’s awkward. The material is hard against her body. She's had better hugs than this, but she can’t expect much from this object.

Alex has stepped closer, softly telling her to take deep breaths and let herself relax into it. Trying to take the advice, she closes her eyes while breathing strong and steady. She doesn’t find this peaceful. She appreciates what Alex is trying to do, it’s sweet, but her anxiety won’t calm down.

“I can’t do this, Alex. It isn’t working,” she says, stepping away from the punching bag.

Alex nods. “You know, it’d be much better if it were an actual person.”

She's torn in this situation, but -

“You won’t hurt me, Sam.

“I almost choked you out.”

Alex scoffs, and dismisses it with a wave of her hand. “Oh, whatever. I could have gotten out of that several different ways. I was more concerned with what was happening to you.”

Sam wants to cry and laugh at the same time because that moment scared her and because Alex is so terribly, wonderfully, people oriented.

“Look, if you think you need forgiveness for that, I forgive you. Can I touch you now?”

She hesitates, but nods, noticing the blush on Alex's cheeks at her own words.

This time the hugging helps. Alex wraps her arms around her waist, firm and grounding. She can relax into this one. This one has her hugging back just the same. This one feels a lot closer to coping.

**\----**

**_a. danvers_ **

****

_2\. Last night, the stars hung just a little crooked. And I wished the world to be kinder to you._

\----

The morning is already in high gear with birds chirping their daily song, and there is an audible grumble coming from behind the wooden door before it opens. Sam peers at Alex from behind tired eyes, pajamas all wrinkled and hair a wild mess, as she leans against the door frame.

A part of Alex feels a little guilty for waking her up. She wonders if the nightmares are back and taking its toll on Sam, who has dark circles under her eyes. She knows the woman has flashbacks; memories of Reign's destruction, and just enough information out of those to know the secrets the Danvers' sisters try with all their smarts to keep.

It has never been as hard for her to protect Supergirl’s secret identity like Kara herself struggles with. To her, it’s easy. Just another thing to keep safe the most important person in her life, and if that means lying to people about her actual government agency placement than so be it. It may have been a little tricky at first with Maggie, but the detective did what she does best and figured it out all on her own. Just because Alex has an easier time following those set rules doesn’t mean that relief didn’t wash over her the day Sam confronted her about it. Though that relief had been mixed with the urge to protect not only her sister, but the Arias women who now have another disadvantage against them. Sam is powerless and people would jump at the chance to use her as leverage if they ever found out she knew something.

“Hey,” Sam greets, concerned at seeing her there so early without notice. She covers a yawn with her hand, mumbling after, “Is everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah! I just - we need to leave,” she says, brushing by her into the warmth of the home that holds a family.

Sam looks at her, barley awake and completely confused. “I don’t remember making plans.”

Before she can worry, or panic, that it’s happening again – that Reign is back – Alex explains. In this world, Samantha Arias’ greatest fear is that she won’t be around to protect Ruby. Right underneath that is Reign and all the terror that was caused.

“You didn’t. I did, like an hour ago. If – If you’re interested, that is.”

Sam pauses, and Alex can practically see the wheels turning in her head through her eyes. She hasn’t been out much lately. There are the tests, and the training. Lena allows some work, and game nights have resumed like once every couple of weeks - the lack of Winn being a nerd and complaining that someone cheated bothers Alex more and more each time – but other than that Sam usually sticks to home.

Tentatively, Sam asks, “What did you have in mind?”

A smile, large and excited, grows on Alex's face as she proudly says, “We're going on a road trip.”

“We can’t just up and leave,” Sam shakes her head, looking at her like Alex has done lost her mind. “I have work to be done.”

There's something else there, though. An inner battle of something similar, yet different, seen through her eyes. Alex bites her tongue and files her curiosity away for another time. Instead, she replies, already prepared for the negative answer.

“Yes, you can. Lena would understand.”

Alex knows this because the two of them talk a lot more now. It’s difficult because Lena doesn’t know who Kara is, and she had Kryptonite, but she loves Sam. Lena fought for Sam, and Alex respects that. It could probably be used lightly, but Alex thinks Lena and her qualify as friends.

“Ruby-“

“Is officially out of school.”

Sam is struggling to find more excuses, drawing in on herself. She crosses her arms around herself after tucking long locks of brunette hair behind her ear. Alex remembers confident, handsome, Sam who stood in the DEO ready to sacrifice herself for her daughter. The contrast strikes into the depths of her heart, and it clenches as she sees the comparison in the desperation in Sam's eyes.

“What about your work?”

“I’m the director now, and I’ve already given orders to be notified when needed and arrangements for a fast flight back.” Alex doesn't want to force this on her. She just wants Sam to be better. Honestly, up and leaving for a road trip while being the new Director of an important top secret government agency isn’t the wisest choice, but J’onn agreed to come back around for this and she will never not be grateful for the man. It would have also been a better choice to choose the quiet place of Midvale since it is closer, and her mother wouldn’t hesitate to lend a room to someone in need. The reason she went against it was for those instinctual kicks in the gut telling her that one little town wouldn’t be enough for this aftermath.

Alex grins in a way she thinks Sam will know means that she wants this for her, but can understand if this isn’t the way she wants healing to happen. “Give it up, Arias. Is there really anything else better for you to do?”

Sam laughs lightly at the small push of encouragement Alex gives her shoulder. Her eyes are downcast, and Alex knows she’s considering her options. One minute and twenty-four seconds later, she’s on the phone talking to Lena, and Alex yells excitedly up the stairs for Ruby to share the news.

\----

Being on the road is easy.

The plan is to drive anywhere, everywhere, and nowhere really at all.

Alex sees several possums and thinks of texting Kara, but settles on telling the Arias family the horror stories of her sister's driving instead. They stop at motels, eat at any diner that looks like it won’t give them food poisoning, and stop to take pictures at Ruby’s request.

The windows are usually rolled down, and Ruby will sit with pride next to their snack selection from a gas station. They let Ruby control distributing the snacks from the backseat, and Sam skips song track after song track under Ruby’s command while Alex sings along to what she knows. The music these days haven’t been the most memorable, but she had introduced Ruby to legendary bands like The Killers and Nirvana, and they both sing along to each word of Sugar, We're Going Down without missing a single beat. It warms her heart, and as she sneaks a couple glances at Sam, Alex thinks maybe it does for her too. The tiny upward quirk to her lips and warmth in her eyes is taken as proof.

Ruby has been a trooper the entire trip, so far. Traveling can be exhausting, and sometimes it shows on her, but then she’ll see something cool through a window and her excitement will rise. It makes Alex feel whole; having the ability to make a child happy.

Sam is fine for the most part. She acts like a mother, remains the friend Alex has come to call family. She’s better, but there’s still an underlining sadness to her. She remains calm, but sometimes withdrawn like she has been here and there since being out of harms way. It makes Alex's heart ache for her inner world to get back on track.

They’re driving down a road somewhere in Colorado late at night – planning to cross into Kansas rather than Nebraska – when Alex confesses something to Sam. Ruby is fast asleep in the backseat, face smashed up against the window in a way that makes Alex cringe. She waits for Sam to settle back down in her seat, after draping a blanket over her daughter's body, before saying anything.

“I would have given it all up for Ruby.”

She has Sam's undivided attention, and it makes her nervous, causes her to stumble over her words a bit; drumming her fingers on the steering wheel to no music.

“When you – when you were absent, someone came after me. Ruby was with me during the first attack. During the second attack, I risked my life without any hesitation by jumping across a building to get go the bad guy – a complete stranger.” Sam hasn’t looked away from her since she started talking, and she can see the concern written in those dark eyes. She clears her throat, continuing with, “When it was over, I thought about Ruby. There was a chance we might not get you back, and a part of me knew that I’d take care of her. Possibly quit the DEO, and whatever else that I had to, in order to keep her safe. Now that you’re back, I honestly can’t say that I'd change my mind.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

Why _is_ she telling her this?

“Because, I want you to know that for the rest of my life she will never be without my protection.” Sam's eyes are glistening with tears yet to fall when Alex looks back over at her. The sight causes a lump to want to form in her throat, and maybe this conversation is a little much at the moment. Though a filter on her mouth is non existent today, because she continues with, “I would have done everything I did for anyone. I’m just really glad it was for your family.”

“I’m pretty sure you’ve been a part of our family for awhile now.” It’s honest, and so genuine, and the little grin Sam gives her makes her insides flutter. Then Sam seals the conversation with, “Besides, it’s no secret that Ruby adores her favorite aunt Alex.”

And there it is. _Aunt_ Alex. It stings a little and she forces herself to not bring think of the possible reasons as to why.

\----

Two weeks into this adventure, parked on the side of the road somewhere in Mississippi - Sam guiding Ruby through the trees to stretch their legs - Alex is staring at the contacts in her phone. Her thumb hovers for approximately ten seconds before she hits the delete button.

They emerge from the woods, and the smile that appears at the corner of her lips is genuine, because Ruby has dirt smudged on her cheek and there’s a leaf stuck in Sam's hair, and she doesn’t regret any of this.

Ruby runs towards her with a large stick, “Alex, can we make a spear out of this?”

Sam's laugh tangles with hers, and Alex fights back the wave of sadness that washes over her at the last time she used a stick; in that place with Sam. She had looked crazed then, like a wild animal, except one with a conscious that was consumed with guilt. It was difficult seeing that. It makes Alex want to tell Sam anything in the world to mend her mind, make her believe that there will always be more than the pain in her heart. She starts with plucking the leaf out of her hair, and her breath hitches because the look Sam is giving her takes Alex back to, _“It’s my favorite”._

“Let me tell you the importance of sticks,” she says to Ruby, using a thumb to clean the girl’s cheek and wrapping her arm around her shoulders.

There’s a fond expression on Sam’s face when Alex looks back to her. She’s still Sam. She's still soft, and caring, and incredible. Ruby was wrong when she told Alex that she was the toughest person she has ever met, because Sam is far more tougher than Alex thinks she herself could ever be.

Alex notices that the absence of Maggie on her phone doesn’t burn a hole in her pocket.

\----

Alex keeps learning more about them. The big details. The little details. She hangs on to every word, and takes in as much as she can.

During the situation, she had looked out for Ruby. She learned her favorite foods, and her biggest fears, and that she has a preference for any animals that her mother isn't allergic to. She further learns that Ruby is one of the most spectacular beings she has ever known. Not that she ever doubted it in the first place.

She learns that Sam doesn’t like mustard with anything except fries, and that there’s a tiny freckle on her left pinky finger. She learns how to read Sam's mood better than before, and that she’s getting better and appreciates Alex expressing kindness during these times. She learns that Sam's go to gas station snack is Twizzlers, and that she’ll never skip an old school country song. She learns that she _likes_ Sam, and she learns that it isn’t the most scariest thing.

\----

Ruby is on top of the car, sleeping under the Florida stars, with her feet poking through the sunroof. “I won’t fall off. Please, mom,” Ruby had begged and pouted, and Sam is at a point where she can’t deny her wishes. Not after being away for so long because of Reign, because she feels like she owes her daughter a happy life after causing so much chaos. Actually, scratch that. They both know Ruby deserves a happy life regardless.

The crickets are chirping away, and the two older women lay down in the back of the car listening to the sound of nature. It’s big enough for two grown beings to sleep almost comfortably. Alex chucked most of the road trip supplies on the grass for more room, but the two of them are still pushed together a bit.

There's a cramp starting in her foot and her neck is little weirdly angled, and she huffs trying to get comfortable, saying, “We should invest in a tent.”

Crinkles forming at the corners of her eyes, Sam laughs. “I do have to admit I thought a government agent would be more prepared for anything. Especially one who planned for a road trip to begin with.”

“I was being super impulsive and forgot some things.” She can tell her cheeks burn from the embarrassment of her own honesty, and grumbles, “Bite me, Arias.”

Sam turns her head and leans down to bite firmly on the bare skin of shoulder showing from the strap of Alex's tank top. It’s doesn’t really hurt, but it is unpredictable and it does leave a heat stirring below. She looks at Sam in surprise.

Sam only raises an eyebrow, playfully saying, “Don’t challenge me.”

Alex's mind drops straight into the gutter, because Sam is beautiful and she always did like a challenge. She looks down to the set of intriguing lips and has a smudge of courage to dare her to do it again. Maybe lower and lower and -

The tips of her ears heat up, and again Sam giggles, making it known that she has an idea of where Alex's mind just went. She wonders if Sam knows she absolutely likes how easy she can get Sam to laugh. It'll reach her ears, and each time it makes her feel light.

There’s movement to get more comfortable. Sam’s taller than her, yet she scoots down while curling her legs a bit. Her head is tucked in the crook of Alex's neck, and the skin of her hand tingles from Sam holding it where they rest on Alex's stomach.

They’ve cuddled a couple of times before on back roads all over the country when it was too late in the middle of night and they were running out of energy to drive. Still, it affects Alex just the same. Her heart starts to speed up, and she is certain Sam notices.

“Does it still hurt?”

It’s a quiet question, but it makes her pause.

She knows Sam means Maggie – the woman runs the pad of her thumb across the naked ring finger – yet it still throws Alex off, because nobody besides herself has mentioned her in months. She doesn’t talk about Maggie to most people. Sam was an exception before; a friend who was a nervous wreck in L-Corp's lab and reminded Alex too much of herself. It was surprisingly easy to open up to her, let walls down like she did in front of her. All because of the ability to relate on a certain fear. But still, she would have preferred Sam asked how the bite is doing instead. It’s for her own sanity, and the peace she wants on that particular subject. She has an easier time not second-guessing her own choice.

Maggie will always hurt.

It’s softer now, bittersweet at most, because she’s the first person Alex ever fell in love with. It was real, and it was good, but it wasn’t right; like a piece of something that doesn’t fit the spot you think it might by only a small difference. A difference large enough that she doesn’t have an urge to get her number back.

She does have the urge to intertwine her fingers with Sam. To comb her fingers through her hair. To keep making a smile appear on her face.

Alex isn't scared of those urges. But, she is nervous. Sam is her friend, and Sam may not have an interest in women, and Alex wonders if her attraction is heightened because this is the opportunity to have the one thing she has always been sure of wanting.

“Not like before,” Alex answers honestly, using the arm around Sam’s body to pull her closer. “What about you?”

Sam barely talks above a whisper when she says, “Sometimes I feel like I may never be okay again. But I know that I have to be for Ruby.”

People have told Alex that she is resilient, and exceptional. They should say the same about Sam. There’s something about the way she holds herself together that makes Alex not want to look away, to fight whatever comes her way or find whatever she may need.

“I think that some day, you will be more than okay.” Alex tells her this because someone so good, so kind, has to be okay. She refuses to believe otherwise. She mumbles against Sam's forehead, “Some would even say great.”

She can feel Sam smile into the crook of her neck and how the grip on her hand tightens. She controls the urge to shiver as Sam’s words ghost across the skin above her pulse. “Thank you for being exactly who you are.”

Even when Alex knows there is a chance that in the middle of the night Sam will jolt awake - maybe scream, probably cry, because she _does_ still gets nightmares on scattered days – she makes sure to squeeze her hand back, saying, “You too.”

\----

**_s. arias_ **

****

3\. _May flowers grow in the saddest parts of you._

Reign.

It’s the hardest obstacle she has encountered, yet.

They say Reign is gone. They say Reign can’t hurt anyone anymore. Not her. Not the people. Not _Ruby_.

Far too early for a Sunday morning, when Alex showed up spouting things about needing an escape – just a little freedom to further heal - Sam wanted to tell her that she couldn’t leave. That there were responsibilities she has, and she had already spent so much time trying to get better in a lab. She had bit her lip to prevent saying out loud the thought that she couldn’t heal by running.

But Alex was persistent, and excited, and she told her softly while Ruby was running around upstairs getting ready that when Maggie left Kara took her to Midvale – giving her the opportunity needed to find the courage to move on. Sam remembered sitting on the bed in a hospital gown, opening up the tiniest bit as Alex tells her about Kara forcing her to figure it out together.

Sam doesn’t feel like she could ever be the Samantha Arias from before again, but she trusts Alex. Maybe together they can tackle the inner emotional situation. Alex has always been reliable, and heroic in her own way. It was something that has always showed, and something Sam felt from the moment Alex told her _“whatever it is, we'll figure it out. Together. Okay?”_

\----

Alex keeps her phone on, but Sam lets her data go out. She wants to be as isolated from outside the two people on the road with her as she can be. It isn’t personal against her friends, or whoever, it just makes it easier to focus on her issues.

Lena still texts Alex and Ruby. She knows this from a brief glance to the screen. It makes her feel a bit terrible, because Lena tried taking on the challenge of saving her, but she knows Alex is keeping her updated in the progress and ultimately Lena understands.

\----

In Virginia, the heat outside isn’t overbearing, but Sam has to hover a hand over her eyes to shield them from the sun and to be able to see further out into the field. She's sitting on the hood of the car watching as Alex sets up the bottle targets on the wooden posts of a wire fence separating old lands. Even from this far, she can tell Ruby is practically buzzing with excitement.

“But mom, Alex is an agent,” Ruby had said with a pout and insistence, “If anyone were to teach me proper gun handling and safety, obviously it’d be her.”

“Director.” Alex corrected. She was no help in defusing the situation, because she shrugged and with that damn cheeky smirk, said, “But, _obviously_.”

They make a pretty good team. Sam had rolled her eyes, held back the fear of Ruby around anything else that involved violence, and caved.

So, here she is, seeing the way Alex lines Ruby up with the shot. She's nervous, and maybe Alex senses it, or maybe it’s just in her head, but Sam can see far out that Alex has turned to her with a thumbs up. Whether it’s permission, or reassurance, Sam returns the signal.

One miss. Two miss. Target demolished.

Alex takes the gun as Ruby shrieks happily, taking out the rest of the targets with more precision, before setting the safety back on and accepts the bear hug Ruby tackles her in.

There isn’t a proper amount of gratitude in the world to give to Alex. She kept her little girl safe when Sam couldn’t. She was the first one in her corner – Sam opened up to her first. That’s not an easy thing to do, but Alex isn’t just anyone. She has this presence that makes people know that her priorities lay with them.

\----

Sam still has bad days, but they very slowly start to fade.

She has grown a bit accustomed to taking the negative thoughts and smothering them with the positive ones.

Alex likes early 2000s pop punk. She can sing, Sam discovers, it’s soft and clear and each time Sam can’t stop herself from smiling. It doesn’t help her smile when she turns to sing to you. Almost like a serenade. Alex's favorite snack is donuts. She likes to explore abandoned places. She has three weapons on her at all times.

It’s easy with Alex. Being on the road with her daughter and the woman who fought to protect her. This trip is an easier way to deal with Reign. No matter her protests at first, she would have drowned in National City.

Any time spent with Ruby is no time regretted. She’s Sam's entire world. Everything else, her friends and work and her own interests, are simply background pieces to her daughter, little clouds and trees.

When Sam looks at Alex, she wonders where she fits into the universe. She’s too different to be a four leaf clover, or rainfall. Kara may have been born in the stars, the one with a sunny personality, but Sam can’t help considering that Alex is the sun. That her presence is the light peaking through boarded windows, illuminating the area one small portion at a time; intriguing and beautiful enough for someone to have an urge to bask in it.

Alex can make flower chains – it’s because of Kara, when they were kids and had nothing better to do on sunny days. She teaches Ruby, and they conspire to build Sam a flower crown. Ruby picks out the prettiest flowers in the field, and when it’s all done, Alex drums her knees in a dramatic symbolic form while Sam kneels to accept the crown Ruby places on her head. The entire situation is ridiculous, but it’s fun and sweet and it feels like healing.

\----

“I have a confession to make.”

Alex waits for her to continue. They do this a lot – confessions, opening up, showing the vulnerability sides of themselves to each other despite Sam’s dislike for it.

"I decided back in National City that one of the best options for moving forward is to move out of the city."

"Oh."

Sam doesn’t know why she’s nervous as it is her turn to wait for Alex to say something, but she plays with her fingers as she watches her take in the information. Finally, Alex says, “Do you still want to?”

The answer is immediate.

“I’m still torn, really, but I don't think .”

“Is there anything I can do to get you to stay, for sure?”

Her eyes are as hopeful as Sam wants to be; as Sam is trying to be.

“I’ll let you know.”

\----

Somewhere in Ohio, they pull the vehicle over on the side of the road for Ruby to use the bathroom. She takes napkins and a flashlight (just in case) and runs into the spaces of some trees.

Through the window, Sam yells after her, “Not too far!” Turning back around, she catches Alex looking at her with a grin. Her smile is infectious, and Sam feels her heart lift. Leaning the left side of her head against the headrest, she says softly, “What?”

Instead of answering her, Alex reaches into the middle compartment and pulls out a plastic square case.

“A CD?” Sam asks the question incredulously, because she doesn’t know of another person who still owns those.

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with old school,” Alex tells her this with faux seriousness as she puts the CD into the right compartment. She turns it up as the music fills the spaces of the car. The soft melody of Cigarettes After Sex’s ‘Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby’ rings in Sam's ears. “Come on. I think have an idea.”

The sky is in pretty colors as the day starts to fade away. It’s almost dark, and Alex turns on the headlights before getting out of the vehicle. She comes around to Sam's side, opening the door, and holds out her hand. Alex is looking at her with an open reassurance. Sam laughs because this is ridiculous, but she puts her hand in hers and lets Alex guide her to the front of the car.

Her hand is soft. That’s the first thing Sam notices as she accepts the request. She places her other hand lightly on her shoulder. She's shaking slightly because she's nervous, but Alex isn't judging and just grips her waist with her other hand and steps closer into her space. The second thing she notices is the height difference. It’s always been there, but now she's more aware of it; of how Alex leans her head lightly against hers, yet the top of it only reaches to her cheek. The third thing that she notices is the quick escalation of her heartbeat, pressed up against her own.

It’s been a long time since Sam last had a romantic encounter. Far too long for someone who is almost thirty with a banging body. But life happens; Ruby, work, and Reign. To multitask a relationship in between hectic hours would be a real struggle, but to think Alex could be a part of their family seems completely worth it.

Sam isn’t lacking in the knowledge of how to tell if somebody is into her. And Alex – Alex is most definitely into her. It’s in her eyes and how she acts around her and when Sam leans just a little more into her, she presses more firmly. Sam also knows that Alex is without a doubt a keeper. She’s smart and beautiful and she’ll have her back in the blink of an eye. She’s this wonderful human being wrapped up tightly in this dangerous world.

This trip has been refreshing. Her mind has been figuring out how to deal with the aftermath of Reign. Sam has been considering moving, but there’s something in the way Alex just simply exists that has Sam on the edge of unsure.

The thing that scares Sam is breaking her heart. Alex has already suffered too much. But Sam tips her backwards in a dip, and she remembers that Alex trusts her too.

The sun is completely gone just as the last song fades out. Alex smiles at her and Sam knows Alex will never want them to move. Ruby’s footsteps are heard crashing through the woods causing the two of them to break apart. Sam has a feeling she probably didn't need to. Ruby is Alex's number one fan. Her chest starts to crack open, making room for new roots.

\----

They end up at a little hair salon in Michigan.

“I need something new about me,” Sam had told them when they were driving through, and so here they are.

Alex takes Ruby over to the ice cream shop a few doors down to wait until she’s done. She knows exactly what she wants when they sit her down in the chair. It’s therapeutic, and lovely, watching locks of her hair fall to the ground. She feels so much _lighter._

 _“Oh,”_ Alex says, delightful surprise expressed on her features, when Sam walks over to the ice cream shop. It sends a thrill down her spine at the reaction and pulls an easy smile from her lips. She reaches up to touch her shorter, jaw length, hair and briefly fumble with the ends at the attention.

“A bug is going to fly in your mouth if you keep your jaw dropped like that,” Ruby suddenly comments, causing Alex to shut her mouth quick. Alex blushes, but tries to play it off with a light laugh. “Mom, you look great.”

“Thanks, baby,” she leans down to plant a kiss on her daughter's forehead.

\----

Alex kisses her on top of a waterfall in Illinois.

Ruby is down below, trying with all of her best ability to catch a fish with the spear the two adventure seekers made with perfection a couple of weeks ago.

Sam makes a comment about powers – it’s a spur of the moment joke, really – about how easy it would be to heat up any fish if she had heat vision. It’s nothing special, and hardly funny, but Alex let’s out a shocked little laugh; like even the idea of Samantha Arias cracking fun at the powers of a Kryptonian that has haunted her wasn’t possible.

Then suddenly Alex's hands are cupping her face, and she’s right there, a question in her eyes and Sam's nod for an answer. Alex kisses her, and the roots in Sam's chest start to sprout.

\----

Reign.

It’s the hardest obstacle she has encountered, but Alex must sense where her mind is at because she links her fingers with Sam's while she drives. Sam gives her hand a gentle squeeze. The sprouts begin to blossom.

****

**_\----_ **

****

**_a. danvers_ **

4\. _You have flowers in your mouth_ _‘cause your heart is upside down._

At a diner in Minnesota, the three sit in a booth for breakfast.

Alex builds a battlefield out of sugar packets, using the bottles of condiments on the table as a representation of certain people, as she tells one of the many stories she has about working with Supergirl. Ruby is leaning forward in her seat, completely interested in the unfolding events of the mission. Sam has an expression of adoration as she watches the interaction and drinks from the warm cup of coffee nestled in between her hands.

Alex makes sure to avoid gruesome details for both of the Arias women. Ruby doesn’t need the nightmares, and honestly, neither does Sam. The older Arias has done so good trying to right herself again, and Alex is so proud of her.

Moments like these make Alex feel hopeful for having a family in the future. Her chest feels as though her heart is expanding and the warmth is trying to nestle firmly into her soul. This is everything she has always wanted.

When the waitress comes back around to check on them, it seems like Alex is not the only one affected by the energy at the table. She smiles, and before she goes to leave, says, “You’re a beautiful family. I hope to have that someday.”

“Oh, we're - we're not – ” Alex’s eyes are wide, and she's trying her best to explain the situation, but she's been taken entirely by surprise. It’s kind of a difficult thing to explain anyway, because it’s complicated and she doesn’t even know what’s going on.

But Sam says, “Thank you. I’m sure you will,” so casually without hesitation, and Alex’s heart is so warm and full. She tries to squash the confusion in her head before it tears her apart. She thanks the stars that Ruby had went to the bathroom right before the interaction; she doesn’t need to be confused too.

\----

Alex wakes up in a hammock with Sam squished into her side. They are in the woods in South Dakota and when she opens her eyes she has to squint because of the sunlight shining directly above. Her left arm has gone numb from the body laying on top of it, but her right one stays curled around Sam's waist.

A couple of feet away, Ruby is sleeping in a tent.

The store was running out of stock, and the only one they had left would never fit three people. They had bought it anyway. Ruby was the only one who could fit, and it makes Alex glad that she picked up a hammock too. It’s a tight fit with two adult women, but putting a second person in that tent would have been worse.

Sam is still asleep, a handful of Alex's shirt fisted in her hand. It’s probably the most peaceful Alex has ever seen her. There were no nightmares last night, and Alex is relieved at the progress.

The thing about this woman is that when the battle of Reign came to an end she never stopped being Sam. There were just parts of her that became blurred along the way and those parts are what they’ve both fought to clear for her for months.

She shifts, knocking her knee into Sam's. It startles her awake, but when she realize what’s up, Alex receives only a tired grin.

“Good morning,” Alex whispers, not wanting to wake the child sleeping close to the hammock. It surprises her when Sam kisses her good morning instead of a verbal reply. It’s the second kiss shared, but the first she started, and it makes Alex feel like she’s buzzing with electricity. When they break apart, Alex's mouth opens to ask for that clarification she needs, but the sound of the tent zipper stops the words from coming out.

\----

She breaks her own heart (again) in a motel in North Dakota.

Alex grips the phone in her hand, swallowing roughly, at the simple thought of what must be done.

 _“Lena knows”_ makes its rounds through her mind, and she doesn’t even realize that she is shaking, not until a warm hand settles on her own; ceasing the motion. It’s Sam, with her concerned gaze, eyes with the same warmth Alex had been lucky enough to see all those months ago; in a lab with an understanding and a lollipop; at the DEO when Lena gave Sam the good news about being completely human and Alex had completed Ruby in being an awesome roommate.

Sam is asking if she is okay, snapping her back to reality.

“There’s been an incident,” she mumbles weakly, shifting her gaze away into the corner of the room.

A large part of her doesn’t want to do this. She doesn’t want to ruin the adventure of a lifetime. That part wants to stay. It wants more late night drives down unfamiliar roads, and snack pile up at gas stations, and Ruby running through fields that has grass past the waist, long forgotten over the years. The other part of her, the DEO director and Supergirl’s sister part, knows that she has to go regardless of _feelings._

\----

“I don't think I can go back yet.”

It's a simple statement, but one that Sam can’t say looking her in the eye. Alex clenches her own jaw. It’s a reaction to fight the tears that are burning behind her eyes from falling. She knew this was going to happen.

It feels like the end. It feels like –

Maggie.

But it isn't, and she understands that Sam needs this hard choice of her own. Sam isn’t saying forever. She said not yet. It still hurts just the same.

In reality, it shouldn't, and Alex can’t wrap her heart around why it does. That’s not true. She knows why it does, but she’s starting to think it might not matter.

She's the woman who took care of a kid whose mother was unable to be one at the time. She's a woman who had a friend in need. She's a woman who Sam lets kiss her in the heart of nature, but they haven’t talked about it yet. There isn’t a title to what is going on. It’s just been kind words and thoughtful actions and this quiet tiny bubble of human attraction and interaction. But Sam isn’t a Sarah. Sam certainly isn’t Maggie. She gets her own place nestled in an atrium of Alex's heart.

When Alex books the flight back to National City it's for one. Kara could easily fly to come get her, but Alex can’t. She needs the hours in between to compose herself and settle her heart, and she doesn’t tell Kara this, but her sister says ‘okay’ over the phone anyway. She doesn't think it’s possible for another being to understand her (silently, or not) the way Kara does.

\----

Ruby is upset. She makes it known that this isn’t what she wants. Tells them it’s best if they stick together. But they are not a family in the way that Sam isn’t her wife, and Ruby isn’t her daughter.

Alex takes a deep breath and reaches for the wallet in her pocket. It’s been there since Maggie gave it back. She doesn’t know why she kept it with her at first, but eventually it became a spare. She reaches for Sam's hand, curls the key in her palm, and kisses her gently on the cheek.

“For whenever you’re ready. If – If that’s something you want.”

It’s as good of a clarification of her feelings as it gets. It’s all up to Sam now.

Ruby hugs her once more before she steps outside. Sam hesitates before meeting her gaze head on. Alex shuts the motel door on those rich, earthy eyes, and that weak little excuse for a smile. It hits her how much her entire life is screaming almost and someday and _please, please, please_.

\----

The airport is dimly lit. A handful of people are waiting around for the sun to come up and for their people to arrive. The thud of her boots bring along an echo, and it is as if each step is its own trigger; each thud bringing a different moment of the time spent away to her mind. Flashes of Sam and Ruby and the quiet softness of peace.

It makes her heart flip and her stomach uneasy.

Kara is waiting at the front, fidgeting with her glasses. The beginnings of the infamous crinkle is forming on her forehead. Lena and the predicament they’ve found themselves in is no doubt on her mind. Kara sees her then, must really see her, because the crinkle becomes deeper and more permanent and she’s in front of Alex in an instant.

Words want to come out, practically begging Alex to release them, but they keep overlapping in her mind. She's opening and closing her mouth, trying and trying and trying, yet it’s useless.

“Oh, Alex,” Kara murmurs, taking on a sadness of her own as she pulls her sister in for the tightest hug a human can receive from an alien.

It’s like the two are back in that hall all those months ago. _"What am I going to do?"_ burns in her ears, cuts the tip of her tongue. She grips Kara's shoulders, burying her head in the soft waves of honey locks. The sobs keep coming and a battered heart keeps constricting, but her sister doesn’t let go.

Kara always has been the lifeline of her world.

That still doesn’t stop the feeling like she is choking on flowers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a little violence in this chapter, but for good reason. Nothing major, though.
> 
> As always, all mistakes/errors are mine. Please, review and heart this for support and remember to enjoy your time spent here. Much love, Ash.

_**s. arias** _

_**\----** _

5\. _It_ _was probably nothing but it felt like the world._

_\----_

A week has gone by since Alex's departure. There’s a shift in the air between her and Ruby – a little less laughs and a lot more sadness.

They are walking in the sand along a river in Montana. Ruby kicks some of it up with her toes, hands shoved in the pocket of her jeans. She’s had this permanent frown on her face since the day Alex left.

“You miss her, huh?”

“She was there for me,” Ruby immediately answers, and Sam mentally cringes because she already knows what Ruby isn’t saying.

_When you weren’t._

Ruby looks up at her and takes Sam's hand in her own. “It’s okay, mom. I know you were just trying to keep me safe while you got better. Alex helped me get through it.”

Of course she did.

There’s an energy that surrounds Alex. It makes people feel safe, and comfortable, and she’ll push herself to the fullest for other people’s happiness and protection. Alex is a healer of sorts; this Sam is sure.

“We'll see her again,” she vows like it is a promise, like it is fate. Her arm comes to rest over Ruby's shoulders, bringing her in closer as they make their way through the sand.

Ruby grins halfheartedly up at her, “I know.”

\----

“What do you want the most in this world, right now?”

“For you to be happy.”

She’s the sweetest person Sam knows. Not because she’s her daughter, but because she’s genuine and selfless and Sam smiles, because she's done a damn good job at guiding her.

“Yeah, well you make me happy.”

"Alex does too," Ruby says smoothly, empathetically. "You've changed since she left.”

Sam thinks of Alex’s strength. Of her laugh. Of the way her lips felt. Sam thinks of Alex’s courage. Of her loyalty. Of the amount of protection she doesn’t hesitate to provide for Ruby. Sam thinks of just being with Alex.

Yeah, Alex makes her happy and a change did shift disturbingly in her gut when Alex walked out of the motel room and back in to the world of being a sister and an agent.

They wouldn’t be much to most people.

There were no epic declarations of love, no moment where they fucked. There wasn’t any clarity other than the key that burns in her pocket, but with each mile that passed during the trip, Sam fell ever so slightly in _something_ with Alex Danvers. The story has been slow, and neither talked about what this was. The both of them stayed silent as it just grew and grew. Now Alex is miles away. Alex didn’t say it was something, but the look in her eyes when she left made Sam believe it was everything. Alex just might love her back - that's what Sam thinks this might actually be, but for now Sam is back going through the motions.

It was a difficult choice to stay behind, but she knows what she can handle right now and she just needs a little more time. Not a lot of time, this she is sure of. National City is still her home, and she will return. The thought of running from there is no longer what she wants on any level whatsoever.

In a world full of possibilities the two of them may be nothing, but Sam holds tight to the key in her pocket and hopes that Alex will still be there waiting for her; ready for her like she so desperately wants to be ready for Alex.

\----

_**a. danvers** _

\----

6\. _There is so much stubborn hope in the human heart._

_\----_

The Arias household is dark. _Empty_ , Alex thinks, but she stumbles up the porch steps only to stop and sit on the top one.

She has been drinking since two that afternoon. She hasn't drank this much since she decided that adoption was her option.

That topic is consistently on her mind, because after months of being without Maggie she thought having a child on her own was her best chance to take the leap on her biggest wish. It could still be, but there is something that feels wrong with wanting that right now when she’s three quarters of a bottle of whiskey deep; something that feels wrong about thinking of a family when she swears she could already have one.

She is a little disappointed with her own actions, but she hasn't heard from them since she left, and fuck, she just misses them. She had selfishly hoped that Sam would turn her phone back on for her, or, at least, that Ruby would stay in contact during the remainder of their trip, but her phone has been empty of them – all attempts of contact have gone unanswered. Her instincts - the ones she’s had since before an agency, since birth – that she has relied on, followed, and promised herself to never fail, reassure her that it's fine. Those instincts aren’t set on fire and screaming at her to follow through with all that government training of coming up with a plan and executing any action necessary to confirm their safety. No, wanting to hear from them has nothing to do with concern that they are in danger. Her heart just aches for contact with them.

She doesn’t know which weighs heavier. When she broke up with Maggie, or when she left the Arias women behind. Maggie was a difficult choice, but it is clear that the Arias family is something special to Alex in a way her ex never could be. To be fair, Sam can never be special in the way that Maggie is. Sam isn’t her big gay realization. Sam isn't her first love. It doesn’t make Sam and Maggie less or more than the other. Two completely different women with two completely different lives and the occupants of two completely different sides of Alex's heart.

Alex adores Ruby, and she really likes Sam. They’ll be back. Sam’s words of _“not yet”_ repeating in her head, but she wants it to be someday soon.

\----

The sound of a car alarm going off awakens anyone within a couple of blocks radius.

There’s a pounding in her head, a hard, uncomfortable surface underneath her body. Her eyes open, and it appears that the porch of the Arias home was her bed for the night.

Drinking alcohol is by now her most accomplished extreme sport. She’s a pro, but yesterday was hard and maybe she over did it this time. The aches in her body, the nauseous wave that rolls through her stomach, tell her the same story as the thought.

She told Sam once, sitting by a fire underneath the stars of Louisiana with Ruby asleep in the vehicle, that the day after drinking was always the saddest. Each time she’d get overwhelmed with the sudden urge to just give up. With moving on - living on. It’s been this way for as long as she can remember. Since, well since the very first day after. She told Sam after all this time she thought it would just go away.

It hasn’t.

She keeps drinking because it can be fun, and because it helps (in a unhealthy way), and because sometimes she just needs to have a moment to release the ties knotted to her heart.

The need for some greasy food and some orange juice is her first need of the day. She groans and gets up to start walking down the pathway, back the way she came last night.  
It’s the ringing of her cell phone that snaps her back to the now with a little startled jump. She can almost hear the jokes about being a badass agent that is fearless until she encounters the surprise attack of a ringtone. Ruby and Sam would be giving her so much shit with matching grins on their faces. She can even see Maggie's dimpled smile in the back of her memories. She answers the call before that thought process can go any further. She didn’t even check to see who it is.

“Danvers,” she speaks directly, waiting for a response.

The line remains silent, but she can hear breathing. It's odd, and almost creepy. When she checks the number, it’s Ruby, but she knows full well that the girl would have said something already. Her footsteps come to a halt.

“Sam?” she says gently, quietly like she might spook them.

She hears the hitch in the person's breathing, and is certain that she has it correct. She doesn’t know why Sam isn’t talking, but the moment seems fragile; maybe she doesn’t want to break it. There’s a sniffle on the other end and Alex knows she’s crying.

Alex could think of a number of different reasons why Sam would be crying, but with no verbal response from the woman – no explanation as to why – her choice of words are restricted.

“Are you okay?”

Nothing. Not even a simple hum to confirm or deny, and this is the moment she starts to feel a little uneasy about who actually is on the other side. Until –

Until a voice, familiar and comforting, is heard in the background saying good morning and asking for her phone back.

_Ruby._

She knows this call is almost over. She knows that the woman on the other line is Sam and when they hang up it could be weeks before they are in contact again. She wants to say so many things, force a thousand words into ten seconds. Instead, she says, “I’m still here.”

Nothing.

There’s a click and the line is disconnected. She thinks about calling back. She doesn't. Maybe she's afraid to push something so unsure. Maybe she’s afraid of being rejected.

Hope though, hope happens to stay with her long after the call has ended.

\----

When she gets home, she pours the remaining bottles of alcohol down the drain.

\----

The place is crowded when she enters.

She takes a seat at her normal booth, waiting for Kara to show up. A quick call, and a request to meet, has her fiddling with her fingers impatiently. She thought it over thoroughly before making plans. She wants a drink so, so bad, but that is in fault of her nerves on high alert. Honestly, she shouldn’t be as nervous as she is. If anyone were to support her choices, Kara is automatically person number one.

“Alex!” Kara exclaims, sliding into the booth seat directly across from her sister. “I’m so sorry I’m late.”

“Relax, Kara. It’s only a minute past.”

“Right,” she says, adding a calming breath. She straightens up her glasses, and looks at Alex with curious blues eyes. Still, Alex can tell a part of her isn’t there.

She asks before Kara can say anything, “Are you okay?”

“What - ? I’m fine.”

Alex raises an eyebrow, skeptical.

Lately, Kara has been different. Lena still hasn’t resumed their friendship, and Alex makes a note to figure out how to change that.

Lena Luthor means more to her sister than anyone would have originally guessed when they met all that time ago. It hurt Kara to the core when Lena confessed to helping Sam without letting them in, and the kryptonite was just the distasteful icing on top – but Kara feels bad, and Kara feels guilty for lying, and Kara just _misses_ her. Alex thinks probably as much as she herself misses the Arias women.

Kara huffs, “Seriously, Alex. I’m all right. So, what did you want to talk to me about?”

Alex wants to push. She really, really does, but this situation is out of her hands. Kara will talk when she's ready.

Taking a deep breath, Alex places her hand on the top of the table and taps it a couple of times. “Right here, in this very spot, you told me that I could have all the things,” She bites the bottom of her lip, looking at her sister with adoration, “I believe you were right. And I – I think I found them.”

Kara’s expression softens, and Alex really shouldn’t have leaned back in surprise when her sister asks, “With Sam and Ruby?”

“Yeah. That’s not – ” She leans forward again with wide, questioning eyes, and lowers her voice, “That’s not crazy, right?” She doesn’t give Kara a chance to actually answer as her nerves start to bubble over and she goes off. “I mean Sam and I haven’t even talked about it, but during the trip it - it seemed mutual. Maybe I’m just getting ahead of myself. I jumped the gun with Maggie and that blew up in my face. Maybe I just want a family too much to see the full picture. But – But then again, maybe not, because I felt something with Sam, Kara. And that trip - being with them on that trip felt so natural.”

The two are locked in an intense stare at each other, and Kara takes the time to process all the information thrown at her. Her crinkle is strong, and the gears are turning in her head.

“Alex,” she finally speaks, with a softness dedicated to those who need it in the moment. It’s never false, only genuine. “I don’t know what happened while you were away, but if you think it’s mutual, it's worth the shot to at least talk about it.”

“One would think so,” She says, a little bit on edge at the lack of current clarification, and, god, Alex hates when her voice turns small, but it does exactly that when she looks for conformation, “You think so?”

Kara smiles, confident in her answer of, “I know so.”

To that, Alex clinks her glass of water with Kara’s.

\----

“You don’t look like shit.”

“Thanks?” Alex is slightly thrown off with confusion at Lena’s version of a hello. “Was I supposed to?”

Lena rolls her eyes, but she looks like she knows something. She walks into the apartment like she owns it. Alex can tell that her guard is up.

This is the first time they’ve seen each other since before Alex left on the trip. Honestly, she's surprised Lena even returned her text, agreeing to meet here. Avoiding her and her sister seems to have become Lena's new favorite hobby, and she’s quite skilled at it.

“Well, get on with it,” Lena says, facial expression reading ‘no bullshit'. She’s being cold, and ready to get right to the point. That isn't surprising given the situation.

“Listen, it's about Supergirl.” Alex closes the door behind them, following Lena’s path to the open kitchen. “I know this whole thing seems like one big mess, but – ”

“She’s your sister and you want me to forgive her,” Lena cuts her off, being direct and simply aggravated with this conversation already. She crosses her arms, and the glare she gives is harsh when she says, “You see, Alex, the thing is she’s had plenty of opportunities to just tell the truth. She chose not to, and to find out that it means _Kara_ used my personal relationships against me – ” She cuts herself off there. Her jaw clenches, and it’s the first time since this conversation started that she can not look Alex in the eye. She takes a moment – a breath – before steely eyes lock with Alex’s. “She breached my trust, and she knew better.”

“What about the Kryptonite? That was a breach of her trust, too.”

“Fair enough, but I’m not the one who has been lying to her best friend for the entirety of their friendship.”

“Fair enough.” Alex can give her that one, but seriously, “How did you not know? I mean come on! Kara isn’t the most subtle around people, and you are, well _you_ , a freaking genius.” She's expressive with this. Her facial expressions forming a number of different ways and her hands waving out here and there. This entire situation is just a big pain in the ass.

Lena smiles at that, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. The laugh on her lips is fake, and there's a sadness in her tone when she says, "Sometimes what we feel blinds us from the truth.” She shrugs. “I guess I didn’t want to believe she was lying to me, so I believed she wasn’t. Then the evidence kept piling up, and when Kara left the room and Supergirl appeared in a highly secured lock downed facility, I couldn’t just ignore that."

The woman has a point, and it doesn’t sit right when Lena chuckles, dark and bitter, saying, “Look at us now.”

The way Lena presents it all makes Alex feel a little sick to the stomach, and maybe (despite the Kryptonite) it is then she realizes how much better Lena has always deserved – but the director side of her, the sister side of her, wants to protect Kara at all costs. At this point in time, her sister is unhappy. She would go to the ends of the earth for Kara's safety and happiness.

Alex says, “What happened to people's secrets being theirs to keep?”

But even she gets sick of them sometimes.

“They are, but if I’m supposed to be her best friend, why have I been the only one she refuses to tell? You were with us in Juru, Alex. I gave her the chance of telling me her real name. Do you remember what she said?”

Of course she does.

She remembers the words, _“that's not a good question for a Luthor to ask someone in my family”_. She remembers seeing Kara hesitate, before forcing those words out of her mouth. She remembers the distaste on Kara's face at her own words, and how, internally, she herself even cringed.

“Do you realize how low that can make someone feel? I’ve already been knocked down enough in my life and I certainly don’t need it from her.”

“Kara loves you, and Sam –“, Alex tries to lie once more for her sister. Not the love part, but trying to say Sam doesn’t know.

“Knows, Alex. I had Ruby put her on the phone a couple of weeks ago. She tried to deny the truth, but I caught her in that. I can’t be mad at her for that. It wasn’t her secret to tell, and she wouldn’t have known it if the Reign situation didn't happen.”

Alex gets distracted at the mention of the Arias women talking to someone in the group. Their phone call was a week ago. “You spoke to Sam?” She wants to cringe about how needy her voice sounded for an answer.

Lena's intense gaze locks on to Alex's body posture as she does a scan. She must see something there that triggers her next words. “She's fine. You know, they won’t be gone forever.”

“Right,” Alex clears her throat, feeling too exposed. “Back to the Kara situation.”

Lena may be Sam’s oldest friend, but Alex doesn't need to be getting into this with her right now. Lena must agree, or at least understands when Alex's defenses come up, because she continues on like Sam was never even brought up.

“My whole life I have wanted someone like your sister in it. Someone who understood me. Someone who knew my last name and still wanted to be around me. Someone who pushes me to stay strong and be better. Somebody who _trusts_ me. I have Sam, but Kara – ”

She stops herself, and Alex thinks she gets it now. Lena Luthor is in love with her sister, and Kara broke her heart. Alex wonders how she's never seen it before. Her mind brings memories up, like a slideshow, and oh it was so damn obvious.

 _Yikes_.

Can anything in their lives be simple? Alex thinks of existing with Sam and Ruby and plenty of miles from National City. It wasn’t simple in the way that there were no problems, but it was simple in the way that those problems were being dealt with naturally.

“I’d offer both of us a drink, but I like to keep it sober these days.”

Lena raises an eyebrow at that, “Since when?”

Alex feels her cheeks heat up a bit, and with a shrug impersonating casual, she says, “Officially four days ago, but honestly, way before that - mainly.”

Lena hums, and dammit Alex has been under more pressure than this, but Lena has the most intense stare of anyone the Director has come in contact with. Lena bites her lip, and her next words are incredibly calculated.

“Sam has that effect on people.”

Back at this again, it seems.

Her defenses come up with full force, and she finds the floor of her apartment incredibly interesting when she says, “I don’t know what you’re trying to get at.”

She does. Of course she does, and she isn’t trying to hide it from anyone but Lena is the last person she wants to talk to about the uncertainty involving that relationship. Lena is Sam’s oldest friend, and whatever she says could be reported back to Sam in a heartbeat. She wants Sam to hear what she has to say, to know what she feels, from her own mouth and not that of an emotionally damaged CEO.

"Oh, please,” Lena scoffs, clearly not buying it, “like I'd believe that. I’ve seen you in love before.”

“Barely."

And it’s true. Alex and Maggie had only been together around Lena tiny handful of times.

“Enough to recognize when a heart shaped arrow has pierced your gay ass.” The next thing Lena says sends her mind into overdrive. “For the record, I think Sam may love you too.”

Her heartrate spikes at that, because it was unexpected, and did Lena just really confess that?

“What'd she say to you?”

Lena’s phone goes off before she can answer. She smirks, “Saved by the ding.”

It’s clear that whatever was sent to her phone will be making her leave, and Alex puts aside the questions about Sam she wants answers for to focus on the real person they met to talk about.

“Can you just consider talking to Kars?”

It’s a plea, and one that makes Lena pause. She stares at Alex, and then the door, and whatever hurdles she had to jump over in her head finally end at a, “I’ll keep it in mind.”

Alex really wishes she will.

Lena pauses at the door to turn back around, calls out, “Oh, and Alex?”

She sighs, pushing her hands into the pockets of her jeans when Lena turns around. “Yeah?”

“I know I said that we do whatever it takes to get what we want,” Her face softens with her words, and she’s quite honestly one of the most complex people the director has crossed paths with in her entire life, “but just be patient with her.”

Then Lena is gone, and Alex is left with an almost overwhelming amount of the hope Kara insists she has had all along. If patience is what it takes then patience she will have.

The Arias women are more than worth it.

\----

_**s. arias** _

\----

7\. _They looked suspended, like heroes_  
_Inside the myth heroes seem bent on making_  
_From the myth of themselves._

_\----_

Sam takes Ruby’s cellphone from the nightstand of some dingy motel room located on the coast of Washington, sneaking outside as the sun starts to rise. She dials a number she knows by heart. The line picks up, and that voice spikes a bizarre calming, yet electrifying thrill down to her toes.

When Alex says her name, her lungs burst with a sharp intake of air, and why can’t she say anything? She wants to, but how does she explain that she’s human, yet there are flickers of memories of a powerful alien taking over her own body and that the powers have traced every inch of her skin; leaving it crawling and she’s tried so hard to scrub the traces away regardless of making it raw.

Reign will be known to the world as a villain for the rest of time.

Before they left for the trip, the fear of Reign's presence had dwindled down as people all over National City put it behind them. Though someday, years from now – after new generations are born then grow up browsing through the internet - they will come across old news articles and videos. They will learn that, once upon a time, even Supergirl met her match. They’ll tell strangers and show their friends, and Reign will once again be the center of somebody’s fear; if even for just a moment.

Sam struggled with the thought that she isn't real. She has a heartbeat. She is human, but the body was born from magic in Kryptonian stars. It held an entire super powered identity within the body walls.

Is this a real existence? Is Samantha Arias real? Seems to be.

Her surroundings are real. Her daughter is real. The way Alex makes her feel is so, so real. The thought and emotions since Reign's end on this Earth are real.

There’s a part of her that wants to be a hero. That wants to take the memory of Reign and fix her wrongs. But she's not a hero. Not even close. She’s just a woman with a daughter and the face of a villain. But Alex –

Brave, brilliant, reckless.

The _true_ human hero.

God, Alex makes Sam want to believe she could help save the world from the evil beyond the stars above them, and from the destructive people surrounding them on Earth, just by being exactly who she is.

How can she explain all of that to Alex without causing the woman a headache and coming off as insane?

“Mom?”

Sam swirls around to see Ruby, pajamas wrinkled and hair a mess, blinking at her from behind tired eyes. Her daughter comes up to hug her, mumbling good morning, and politely asks for her phone back. Time has ran out, but right before she disconnects the line, she hears, “I’m still here.”

It’s enough.

\----

It’s getting late in Oregon. The sun disappears as the two Arias women make their way into a gas station. They are on a road that doesn’t have any other buildings for miles, according to the sign they seen about ten minutes back. The working man behind the counter nods when they walk in.

It happens so fast.

While Sam debates on the drinks, Ruby is scanning through aisles for candy bars. The bell above the door dings, but Sam pays it nothing more than a brief glance that results in seeing a man, with a hat and glasses, scanning the place.

It’s only when a large commotion occurs up front, she realizes something is not right.

“Hey, lady!”

Sam freezes on the spot, heart hammering in her chest.

“Get over here now, before I shoot this son of a bitch!”

Rule number one and two for civilians held up in a robbery:

1\. Follow instructions.

2\. Don’t be the hero.

When turning to do what he said, she catches a quick glimpse of Ruby. Her daughter is knelt down on the floor, peering at her from around a shelf. She gives Ruby a stern look to stay put. She's thankful that her hair is down, because it helps block the interaction from the man.

There’s a gun pointed at her face when she turns around, but she isn’t scared for herself. This man has nothing on Reign. Her fear is for Ruby.

He waves his gun, motioning for Sam to stand against the counter. She turns her back to him, planting her hands on the countertop for him to see them. Then he yells to the back of the room, “If anybody else is here, come out now or they’re both dead!”

“It's just us,” The man behind the counter says, sternly.

She catches his eye for a brief moment, and it astounds her that a complete strange is willing to cover for a kid he doesn’t even know. Lying puts everyone in danger, but he does it anyway. Dan, she reads off the nametag. She'll have to think him later. That’s if they make it out if here alive.

“Just give me the money, man!”

Looking back to the criminal, Sam can’t see his eyes behind his sunglasses, but she would guess they were wide and manic. Based on the nervous twitches coming from his body, and the shaking of the hand holding the gun, Sam would guess this is his first robbery; maybe a split second decision made from a life crisis.

Her heart drops heavily, and she cringes, when the sound of things getting knocked over rings throughout the gas station.

Everyone stays quiet, and Sam turns heard just enough to watch as a can of soup rolls across the floor.

 _Ruby_.

Alex’s rules for being held up in a robbery:

1\. Find the advantage.

2\. Trust your instincts.

In the second the gunman turns to point his weapon in the direction of the noise, adrenaline of a protective mother kicks in, and Sam's body reacts instinctively from the training Alex helped her with. With quick precision she reaches out to grab his wrist firmly, ducking under his arm and bringing it behind him. He grunts in pain. The gun clatter’s to the ground, not going off.

Grabbing the back of his head, she turns around to bash it against the counter.  
Dan immediately takes out a shotgun from under the counter, pointing it at the criminal that Sam releases and lets drop. The wannabe robber is groaning, clutching at his bloody nose and mouth. Dan tosses some zip ties her way. She catches them before locking the gunman’s hands together behind his back.

Sam is shaking a little, and she calls out for her child. Ruby comes barreling around the corner, hugging onto her for dear life. That’s enough of a hero act for today.

The red and blue lights illuminate the area out front, and Sam wraps her arm around Ruby to guide her away after the officers finish their questioning. Ruby is in a mixed state of shock and pride for her mother at the unfolded events. The events that have lead Sam to knowing exactly what they need to do now.

“Come on, Rubes.” Her arm tightens around her daughter's shoulders as they get closer to the car. After today, Sam can't not believe she is real. “It’s time to go.”

\----

**_a. danvers_ **

\----

8\. _A_ _nd when most unexpected, what survives will be laid bare_.

\----

The day had been spent tracking down a lead for the most current alien case, and Alex had bid goodbye to Supergirl and the rest of the team with a tired sigh. All she wants to do is curl up on the couch and rest for the remainder of the evening, but when she makes it home she is quick to realize that won’t be happening. All senses are on high alert when the front door is noticeably cracked open. Withdrawing her gun from its place at her waist, she raises it to the proper level and quietly pushes open the door, and -

And everything comes to an abrupt halt, because Sam comes back on a Tuesday.  
Sam is sitting on the couch with a tiny amount of surprise in her eyes at Alex's threatening entrance. Her eyes narrow and her hands come up, but there’s a playful curl to her lips as she says, “Are you going to use cuffs on me too?”

It’s the first words Alex has heard from her in a long time, and it's simple, but it’s everything.

“Hey. Sorry,” Alex says, putting the gun away and shutting the door. Scanning the apartment, she asks, “Where’s Ruby?”

“Lena is watching her for a couple of hours.” Sam stands, walking closer to grab her by the hand and tugs her in for a hug with an earnest, “Come here.”

She wraps her arms around Alex’s neck, firmly and real, and Alex's body can’t do anything except melt into the embrace. Alex puts one arm around Sam's waist and the other across her back, hand gripping her right shoulder. Alex has missed her so much.  
“I’m glad you’re back,” Alex's words are muffled by skin and hair.

She feels the smile on Sam's lips graze her ear, “I’ve missed you too. But,” Sam retracts from her by just a fraction. Her hands slide down to toy with the collar of Alex's dark grey button down shirt. “Alex, we should talk.”

“I was kind of hoping you would say that.”  
Alex is getting to be a little nervous, but she isn't lying. This conversation has been building up for months now. At this point, having this conversation is for her own sanity.

Sam locks their gaze, “You gave me a key.”

“I did.”

“Do you know what that means?”

But Sam doesn’t give her the chance to answer, because she's pulling something out of her pocket and holds it up to Alex's face. It’s insane how much the thing in Sam's hand means to her.

Alex smiles, “I get a lollipop?”

“You get a lollipop,” Sam says with a grin, before becoming more serious, gently speaking, “And my heart, if you want it.”

She places a hand over Sam's heart, feeling it thud against its cage. It’s beating as fast as hers and that makes Alex smile. “It’s my favorite.”

The words between them aren’t lost. Sam's hand comes up to hers, thumb tracing patterns on the back. Maybe it all really did start in L-Corp's lab.

"I just – ”

Sam breaks Alex out of her thoughts.

“I just don’t want you walking into this thinking that it’ll be easy, because it won’t be. I can’t be a hundred percent all the time, and Ruby is almost a teenager.” Her eyes comically widen, “The horror.”

“Well, when you put it that way,” Alex raises her eyebrows comically, the left side corner of her lips dramatically tilting downwards,

"Who in their right mind would say no to that life?”

“Alex, I’m being serious.”

“I’m all in.” What she doesn’t say is that when she looks at the families on the street, she pictures Sam and Ruby and a life that she has wanted for so long. “I – I want to be your family. So, if that means dealing with an angst filled teenager and her survivor of a mother - I’m in.”

Sam tugs at her belt loops, and Alex's heart thuds inside it’s cavity the way it does on a mission with an adrenaline rush. And, god, Sam is so beautiful like this; in the sun coming in through the window and eyes that shine. Alex wants to explore her.

At first it’s a gentle brush of lips, nothing firm or revolutionary, but Alex feels her whole body sigh in relief and finally, finally, finally. It’s been so long since they last kissed, and this time Alex knows what it means for the future.

Things escalate from there. Not that Alex is complaining, because she most certainly is not. The kiss picks up – a little more firm, a lot more tongue and teeth. Sam likes to tug on her bottom lip, and Alex has to lock her knees in order to not collapse straight to the ground.

The shirt Sam is wearing rides up at the waist and the warm skin touches Alex's hands. It’s soft, and Alex wants to feel more. She tugs on the fabric for consent, and Sam is quick to step back and give Alex what she wants by pulling the fabric up and off. Sam is literally standing half naked in her apartment. Alex feels a need building inside her.

Apparently, so does Sam, and she isn’t subtle about it. Her tongue is tracing patterns on the smooth skin of Alex’s neck, above the pulse point, and her hands work the buttons on Alex's shirt. Well, that is until she becomes impatient and rips the rest of the buttons away. They scatter on the floor and Alex doesn’t even care, because damn that was hot. The shirt is shoved off her shoulders, and her bra is undone to be discarded.  
Sam wastes no time in twirling a nipple between her fingers while her mouth insists on now biting Alex's neck. Alex grips the back of Sam’s neck with one hand, and claws at the skin of her back with the other. Sam turns her into a vocal mess that compliments the wet mess in her underwear.

Suddenly, Sam is on her knees, tugging Alex's belt undone and undoing the rest of her pants. Alex’s hips buck at the sensation of teeth nipping the skin right above her boy shorts. Her jeans get pulled down around her ankles and she kicks off her shoes to get them off all the way. Sam doesn’t hesitate to rub her nose up her clothed pussy, kissing her clit directly through the fabric. Alex’s breath hitches, and she needs to fuck and be fucked right now.

“Bed.” Alex grips her shoulder, gathering Sam's attention. “Now.”

Sam smiles wickedly at her, eyes gleaming with mischievousness. If you pair that up with still being on her knees, face still hovering an inch from her core, one would understand why Alex is ready.

Along the way, the rest of Sam's clothes get discarded as well and they both fall onto the bed with eagerness. Samantha Arias could have been one hell of a good model. Her body is all smooth, almost flawless skin, and toned muscles. She’s going to be fucked so good. It says so in the lesbian handbook.  
Alex is almost overwhelmed because she doesn’t know where to start. She kind of wants to start everywhere. She wants to map out all the reasons she likes Sam on her skin with her lips, for display when ever Sam looks into the mirror. She settles on attaching her lips around one of Sam’s nipples and sucking. Sam is already panting heavily underneath her, and Alex realizes this must be her first time in a long time too.

Oh, this is going to be fun.

She releases her nipple with a ‘pop’ and blows lightly on it before giving the other the same treatment. It causes chill bumps to quickly cover olive skin.

“Enough,” Sam tries to demand, but her voice is high pitched and her body is writhing beneath Alex, and Alex was right. This is fun.  
Alex decides to give in to her demands. Sam will keen at the control Alex is allowing her to have. When her hand slips down past glorious abs, Alex discovers that Sam's pussy is dripping wet and Alex groans in delight because she did that to her.

Sam bucks her hips up with wild abandon, searching for more and more and more. Alex hasn’t really touched her yet. No pressure. No penetration. Just a hand resting on her pussy and it’s driving Sam mad.

It is then that she has an idea, and Sam lets out a surprised shriek when she flips their positions. Sam is laying in top of her now, and her eyes darken to their fullest with desire at Alex's words.

“Fuck yourself,” Alex breaths out, effected by this woman and this moment.

Sam's wetness slides across Alex's abdomen as she sits up. There’s so much, and Alex thinks when this is all over with she’ll have to wash her sheets sooner than expected. Sam lifts her hips up, hovering over two fingers that are at the ready. Sam locks eyes with her as she lowers herself down. The both of them moan loudly. Sam because of the stretch, and Alex because of the tight, hot walls of pussy gripping her fingers.

She is letting Sam control her own orgasm and Sam is eating it up. Her rhythm starts slow, shallow. Alex does little to help, and it makes watching the hunger in her eyes so much better. Her ass slams into Alex's own pussy with each drop of her hips as she picks up the pace. Going harder and faster and she's reaching, reaching, reaching.

Sam leans back, hands gripping Alex's thighs from behind and head rolled to the side. Her walls start fluttering around her fingers, and she’s so close. Alex gives her mercy by curling her fingers right on that spot and thumbing roughly at her clit.

Sam gasps and then moans as her orgasm rips through her. She throws herself forward, steadying herself by placing her hands on Alex's stomach and fucks herself through her shaking, electrifying orgasm. There are curses and Alex's name on her tongue. It's all very thrilling.

Sam collapses on top of her and Alex wraps her arms around her body. Brushing her fingers along her skin, she waits for Sam to recover. She giggles because –

Whoa.

Then soft kisses are slowly being pressed to her neck before they travel down to her collarbone. Her skin tingles with the sharp bite she receives. Then Sam is gone, lower down her body in a blink. Alex looks down at Sam between her legs as Sam looks up at her and Alex didn’t think she could be any wetter, but she is. Sam keeps their gazes locked as Alex's pleasure becomes her priority.

The first lick is light, teasing, and Alex groans in anticipation. Of course, she’s the teasing type. It matches Sam perfectly.

Maybe she can feel the frustration start to bubble, or maybe she’s just tired of her own slow actions. Either way, Sam picks up her pace and Alex doesn’t bother to stop the moans coming out of her mouth. Her tongue dips down, circling the opening before thrusting in and Alex grabs a fistful of brunette locks at her actions.

With the stimulation - tongue fucking her with no reserve, thumb circling her clit firmly – she isn’t going to last much longer. She’d be embarrassed about how fast she's about to fall over the edge, but it has been a very long time, and Sam is so fucking good at this. No regrets.

At the last second, Sam switches it up on her. Her mouth blows cool air on her clit before she takes into her mouth sucking hard and tongue flicking even faster. At the same time, she thrusts two fingers in to the hilt and curls them, pumping non-stop. Really, that is all it takes for Alex's eyes to slam shut and her body to tense as a white heat lights up her shaking, arching body. Sam’s name choking in her mouth.

Sam fucks her through it, pace only slowing down when the shaking subsides. Alex whimpers when Sam takes her fingers out, cleaning Alex up lightly with her tongue. Alex feels her toes curl with the little aftershocks.  
During the orgasm, her hand had tightened in Sam's hair and her legs had clamped around her head, and Alex doesn’t know how Sam survived because she still hasn't let go. But Sam is alive, and she untangles Alex's hand from her hair and pries her legs apart.

A haze of bliss surrounds her, and chill bumps stay erupted on her skin as Sam slowly makes her decent upwards, leaving a trail of kissed skin along the way. Her weight on top of Alex is comfortable, and the skin contact is pure perfection. She rests her chin on Alex's boob, and looks at her with adoration.

“Hi.” Alex says, breathlessly, brushing the mess of hair behind Sam's ear.

“Hey.” Sam laughs lightly. Her smile is all bright teeth and shiny lips and squished eyes. She kisses Alex lazily then, it’s wet but slow, and Alex can’t hold back the moan from the taste of herself on Sam's tongue.

“How are you doing?”

It’s not the sexiest pillow talk, but Alex has been wanting to ask Sam since she walked through the front door. It’s an honest question, one filled with the same amount of concern she's had for what feels like forever now.

“I’m good. Some could even say great.”

She’s teasing Alex with her own words, and Alex has never felt this weightless. It makes Alex want to kiss her again, so she does. Sam hums approvingly against her lips and her hips buck into Alex as the director trails a hand down her back to grip a really great ass.

God, Alex is so fucking gay.

She groans, but not in a good way, when a phone starts to ring loudly in the little bubble of peace they’ve created. “No, don’t answer it,” she says with a pout as Sam leans over the edge of the bed to grab her phone from her jeans.

“It's Lena.” She plants one more firm kiss to her lips before getting out of bed, wrapped up in one of Alex's sheets, and answering the phone.

Laying in bed, breathing back to normal, Alex watches Sam walk around her apartment talking to Lena. And, fuck, she looks so good here. Alex's sheets wrapped around her body, hair a mess but illuminated from the sunlight through the blinds. Alex runs her fingers across the bed. Sam is the first one Alex has had here since Maggie. Alex thinks if this was an earlier day, if Sarah had came to this earth, there is a high chance Alex couldn’t of brought them back here. It would have felt like a betrayal. But today Alex remembers the words, “It’s not just some notion” and Sam is here and she is really into Sam and Sam has a family she can be apart of. The family she wants to be a part of. Having Sam here isn’t a betrayal. It’s the life Alex gave up a dimpled detective for.

Alex's thoughts cease as Sam hangs up, coming over to slip on her pants.

“You’re leaving?”

“Lena needs to get back to work.” She pauses in buttoning up her shirt, turning to look at Alex with determination. “How about you come over for dinner? Ruby will be excited to see you.”

“I think we did this whole thing backwards,” Alex says, but it’s with a grin.

“I think we did this whole thing exactly the way it was supposed to be.” Sam gives her a chaste kiss and then straightens back up, slapping her leg lightly. “Now come on. My twelve year old hasn’t mastered the ability to cook proper pasta yet.”

\----

Lena and Ruby are waiting by the door when the two arrive at the Arias household. The relationship between Alex and Lena has never been the strongest one, especially with recent revelations, but she interacts with Ruby the way the kid deserves and there’s a level of respect Alex has for her.

Alex never had to bend down to Ruby’s level to hug her, but this time she does, and this time Ruby almost knocks the air out of her lungs and the both of them backwards. She holds on as tightly as Ruby holds on to her. She's in the front lawn of a home that isn't hers, about to have a diner with a family that is becoming her own, and the world quietly clicks into place.

Sam follows after Ruby when the door is unlocked, leaving her with Lena on the porch. It would be totally fine if Lena wasn’t staring at her with the same intensity of the sun. Alex's shoulders square up for a possible battle, and she wonders which one of them would win in a war.

Lena’s expression turns into a raised eyebrow with a wicked smirk, and Alex has a sneaking suspicion that whatever is about to come out of those red painted lips isn’t going to be innocent by any means.

“You look thoroughly fucked.”

Alex knows she's blushing. Point for Luthor.  
She makes a shushing noise, glancing in the house. “Keep your voice down,” she tells Lena, and grumbles, “And mind your own business.”

“I like to tease, and I'm also not surprised. It’s not difficult to see why you want them. But let me make it very clear for you,” she steps closer, giving off the vibe of a snake about to bite. “Sam is my business. As her friend, I have to say if you hurt her – ”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Lena scans her eyes and must see enough to back down. She gives her a single nod which Alex returns, and then she sets about leaving.

“By the way,” Lena pauses in passing by her, lips close to her ear and voice lowering, but thick with amusement, “There's a hickey on your neck.”

Lena is gone then, leaving Alex blushing once more. That is another point for Luthor, but she can’t seem to give a damn.

\----

Dinner goes….well.

Sam gives her concealer for the hickey, but the energy between the two must be on fire. They can’t stop glancing over at each other, and Sam keeps reaching over to brush her hand against hers with every joke. Alex almost chokes to death on her water (she hasn’t craved a single drop of alcohol in so long), because Ruby asks, “Are you two dating, yet?”

Sam pats lightly on Alex's back until the coughing settles before answering the question with a question. “Would you be okay with that?”

“Mom, she makes you happy. That’s all I ever really wanted,” Ruby shrugs, like it was obvious, and she’s so relaxed about the while thing. It’s like she knew it was going to happen this entire time. Though, her eyes still have excitement swirling in them.  
Ruby is such a wonderful kid, and Alex almost can’t hold back the tears. Sam doesn’t even try. A single tear rolls down her cheek and she leans over to press a kiss on top of her daughter’s head.

“Plus, Alex is a badass like you. It makes sense to stick together.”

There's laughter, and when Alex is with them she doesn't feel like she threw away something real for some notion.

\----

The sound of footsteps coming down the stairs reach Alex's ears. Sam strides into the kitchen, coming up behind her, flush against her back and arms secure around her waist. Ruby is settled in for the night, and the dishes are almost done, but she leans back into Sam anyway.

Sam kisses the spot directly beneath her ear. “You didn’t have to clean up, but thank you.”

“I wanted to.” Alex rinses off the last few dishes, drying off her hands while Sam gently nibbles away on her earlobe. She turns around in her arms, leaning their foreheads together. Briefly, their noses brush together, and she kisses Sam's lips, before leaning back a little. “I should go. It’s getting late.”

“Or,” Sam tells her just above a whisper, pressing feather light, tempting kisses along her jaw and down to her neck, “You can stay.”  
Alex can fucking feel the smirk on her neck from Sam's lips. “Are you sure? Ruby –“

“Come on, Director.”

Sam’s hand is suddenly in hers and Alex does the best thing she can for herself in that moment – she follows. It’s a new experience – climbing the stairs of Sam’s home and walking directly into her bedroom. They literally had sex less than five hours ago, and she really shouldn’t be as nervous as she is. She’s excited, of course, but this feels more real than it ever has with them.

They brush their teeth side-by-side in the bathroom (Sam had a spare toothbrush), and it isn’t lost on her that they look good together. Not only that, but they move around and together as if they had done this their entire lives. Sam smiles at her around the toothbrush – a small, crazy adorable, amount of mint foam around her mouth – easily provoking a goofy smile of Alex's own.

Happiness looks goods on the both of them.

_**s. arias** _

\----

9\. _I think we deserve a soft epilogue, my love. We are good people and we’ve suffered enough._

\----

  
On the first anniversary of Reigns demise, the group gathers around at the Arias house.

James brings the pizzas. Lena brings wine. Kara brings cookies.

It’s a bit awkward, because the three are civil towards each other, but the word friends is now used lightly. It’s killing Lena inside, but her trust was destroyed. Sam knows she’s trying to work through it - one little Lena Luthor step at a time.

Right now, James looks like someone kicked him in the heart and Lena makes a habit out of giving most of her attention to everyone else. They broke up shortly after the outing, and James is the only one incredibly torn up about it. Sam knows Lena really liked James, but she was also quick to realize it couldn’t hold a candle to how Lena loves Kara.

Sam tries to discourage Alex from drinking the left over tension away, and it works, sort of, because she sticks to nursing only one beer the entire night but she keeps topping off Lena’s wine glass. “I have to heavily drink vicariously through someone,” is the answer Sam gets when she asks Alex to help carry the dishes into the kitchen. It’s not the most ideal answer, but Lena – drunk and full of heart shards - seems more than okay with it.

As the tension starts to ease - because “tonight is not a night for you three, so don’t even think about hashing out any leftover feelings here” Alex had whisper shouted when Ruby left the room – the teen brings out all the cooler games she owns. It turns out being competitive in good nature – teaming up and earning a weeks worth of bragging rights. The laughs are far more pleasant to hear than the echoes of Reign's victims (survivors).

Sam can’t help herself from taking a moment to take in these people before her. They are messy, and beautiful, and layered, and so fucking incredible. They forgive and accept her, over and over again. They have become her family, and the remains of Reign’s destruction have dwindled down to almost nothing.

At the end of the night, everyone - except a wine coma induced Lena, who hasn’t budged from the couch since about an hour ago - leave and Ruby is put to bed. Alex is downstairs, finishing cleaning up the last of the party aftermath, as Sam changes into pajamas. It occurs to her after searching for clothes that Alex has more of her stuff here. There’s an entire drawer dedicated to Alex, more than a few pairs of her boots lined along the closet wall, and the gun on the bedside table isn’t the only one the director has stashed here.

Sam is already settled in bed when Alex enters, changing and climbing in next to her. The arm that settles around her waist is comforting and she looks to Alex, can’t help but think how good Alex looks here. Being in her home, in her bed, in her life.

"What?” Alex says with a tiny, sleepy grin. The corners of her eyes crinkle, and Sam wants nothing more than to kiss her. So, she does. It only lasts a couple of seconds, but it’s firm, setting her soul on fire.

Sam laughs as Alex chases her lips. She looks dazed, and Sam realized that for most of her life she has secretly wished for this. For a good person who looks at her like she's a part of the good the world is so set on destroying. For someone who loves her little family as if it is their own.

“Move in with us.”

Alex doesn’t question her. She smiles, and agrees, and it’s all the power Sam needs in this universe when they come - breathless and always hungry for more - together.

\----

On the fifth anniversary of Reigns demise, it's celebrated with a proposal.

“It took you long enough,” she teases as Alex slips the ring on her finger. Alex's hands are shaking, and Sam has already said yes about twenty times, but she seems super nervous and Sam takes her hands in her own.

Alex hums as she is pulled closer, practically melts into Sam the moment arms wrap themselves around her waist and her forehead is kissed. She whispers, “I want it to last this time.”

It’s quite sweet.

For a brief moment, Sam thinks of Maggie.

The break up wasn’t pretty for either one of them, but Sam feels the weight of Alex's forehead pressed against her collarbone, and she'll never regret being able to have this. For Maggie, she wishes the best and sends a silent thank you that the detective will never get.

A couple hours later, after Sam and Alex fucked again and again in celebration of their engagement, Sam's phone is loud in the otherwise quiet room. It’s Lena.

Looking over her shoulder, Sam sees that Alex is still in the sex induced coma she put her in and smiles at the tiny snore her fiancé releases. It’s kind of cute how someone so aware of their surroundings all the time isn’t a light sleeper. She slides out of bed and into the bathroom, cracking the door behind her.

Flipping the light switch on, she blinks to readjust her eyes to the brightness and smirks when she notices her reflection in the mirror. Her hair is wild. There are love bites and scratch marks scattered all over her body, and her phone is still going off so she quickly shakes off the distraction to answer it.

Sam can’t even greet her properly, because Lena immediately says, “I here congratulations are in order.”

She watches her own eyes narrow in the bathroom mirror. “You knew.”

Lena scoffs, “Who do you think helped pick out the ring?”

“Hey, Ruby and I helped too!” 

"Ruby knew about this?"

"Alex asked for her permission. Anyway, the ring is perfect, right?"

“Yeah, I think perfect pretty much covers it,” Sam mumbles, distracted as she stretches her hand out to admire the ring. When she moves her hand away, she opens her mouth to say more but a moan cuts stops her words short. She blinks at herself in the mirror twice, before, “Was that – Are you having sex right now?”

“It’s just a little foreplay, really,” Lena says casually, like this isn’t the weirdest moment in their entire friendship. (Reign not included). While Kara’s voice, slightly muffled, is heard saying, “Please, don’t tell Alex.”

“Oh my – ” Sam chokes on a laugh, caught somewhere in between amused and mortified. “I'm hanging up now.”

The sound on her cell is loud enough that she can here her friends say “we love you guys!” as she moves the phone away from her ear before hitting the disconnect button.

\----

On the eighth anniversary of Reign's demise, Ruby becomes an agent.

Her daughter is brave and beautiful and far more intelligent than half of the DEO. Ruby is the youngest agent they’ve had in years, trained under the watchful eye of Director Danvers.

It makes her nervous, because Ruby may be grown up and far more extraordinary than thought possible for one human, but she’s still her little girl. If Sam didn’t trust Alex, and Ruby’s own will of strength and genius, she'd put up a bigger argument. But they are the most incredible humans Sam knows, and the best team.

\----

On the tenth anniversary of Reign's demise, tears spring to her eyes the moment the nurse sets a tiny blue bundle of blankets in her arms.

There is sweat drying on her forehead, and she hasn’t settled her breathing back to normal yet, but she looks at the little face poking through the hole of the bundle and can’t care about anything else right now.

Except Alex.

Alexandra Danvers who hasn’t budged from her spot of standing directly beside her wife. Her hands are gripping Sam's arm in two different spots, and oh, does she look to be the most happiest and nervous person in the room.

A genuine smile slides onto Sam's lips, because she gets it. This experience is unique and emotional, and she laughs lightly with joy as she asks, “Would you like to hold our son?”

Alex looks like that question almost broke her. Those beautiful dark eyes are wide and they won’t stop bouncing back and forth between her and the baby. There's a nod though, and slowly the baby boy is switched from one mother to another.

There are a pile of people out in the waiting room, eagerly awaiting to see the new addition to perhaps the strongest makeshift family in existence. It has a smile forming on Sam's lips, because she knows that they would absolutely love to witness this exact moment.

The moment where Alex holds their son in her arms for the first time. The way she talks gently just above a whisper, “Welcome to the world, Raiden”. The second that it takes for him to wrap his tiny little finger around one of Alex's, and the expression of pure wonderment she has looking down at him; Sam knows Alex is feeling exactly what she did; what she told the group of female friends that time Alex convinced her to let them in on the blackouts.

A few minutes later, Ruby comes into the room.

They all huddle around together as a family, and for a second Sam feels bad because Reign will never have to opportunity to have this. This experience makes her feel whole, but with someone like Reign it would have been impossible. Reign almost made this life impossible for her.

Alex stares at the three of them with tears trying to dry on her cheeks, says with the most sincere smile, “We're beautiful.”

Sam can only agree.

The moment is interrupted when Kara comes zipping in through the room door, practically yelling, “I call Godmother!”

“That's not fair! You cheated, Kara,” Lena huffs, coming into the room a few moments later. “As Sam's closest friend, I think I should have that title and responsibility.”

“He’s Alex’s child too, and I’m her sister!”

“He came out of Sam’s _vagina_ , Kara. I think she has the leaning vote.”

“ _Gross!_ I did not need to hear that,” Ruby exclaims, cringing and Sam thinks her face may get stuck in disgust.

Sam laughs at the duo ignoring Ruby and bickering like only lovebirds do. Sam understands their eagerness, because they both love this little family and want to have one of their own to add to the mix.

“That’s enough you two,” Alex tries to hush them as her son starts to stir. Even Lena backs down from the Director's glare. “We'll discuss this later.”

\----

The day of Reign’s defeat becomes so much more than that.

It becomes a day packed with positive celebrations for the lives of the people she holds close to her heart. It becomes a day spent living the life she almost lost. She doesn't think she could ever forget what the exact date originally stood for, but it doesn’t weigh on her anymore. 

Reign is gone.

They stopped telling her this, because she doesn’t need them to anymore.

She believes in it with every ounce of her human heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quote used (in order):
> 
> 5\. Morrissey, Autobiography
> 
> 6\. Albert Camus, from “Absurd Creation,” The Myth of Sisyphus. (Alfred A. Knopf,1995).
> 
> 7\. Carl Phillips, For It Felt Like Power
> 
> 8\. Edwin Torres, A Most Imperfect Start
> 
> 9\. Seventy Years of Sleep # 4. Nikka Ursula

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to review and heart this. Quotes used (in order):
> 
> 1\. Raymond Chandler, The Long Goodbye
> 
> 2\. Love, Em, This Is Maybe A Love Letter #2
> 
> 3\. Zainab Aamir
> 
> 4\. Milky Chance, Loveland


End file.
